


Get It Out

by AkariHope



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, Light Angst, Mild Language, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 03:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19880512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkariHope/pseuds/AkariHope
Summary: In which Catra works through some unaddressed emotions.





	Get It Out

Wishes are a funny thing. They evolve as you grow up. It starts with presents and little things. Birthdays and whatnot. Toys, food, maybe trips. Real little kid stuff.

Then you start to realize your place in the world. You start to wish for things that others say. Less body hair, thinner shoulders, smaller waist. Things that don't matter to you, but you care about because of everyone else.

Then, eventually, you're old enough to have wishes about the past. Regrets. Holding your tongue that one time it got you slapped, doing that one thing better so you didn't look stupid, not putting that chore off for tomorrow because you never did get back around to it.

And then? Well, then you're a real adult. Still wishing, but not admitting it to anyone. That's "immature", after all. Never acting on them, just praying that the pieces will fall into place all on their own, hoping everyone else understands your feelings through implication alone.

And fuck _all_ of it.

It's that stupid way of thinking that got us here. We thought we were invincible. No way we would ever be such idiots.

Adora...

God, I wish the thought of you didn't make me feel the way it does. Your face pops into my head and suddenly I'm 12 again. That was when sharing our bed started to feel different.

I remember I couldn't sleep. I thought seeing your face might help, but I just...stared. I must've stayed for an hour just looking at your face. It would have been so creepy to anyone watching: me staring so intently, going back and forth between your eyes, nose, and lips. I'mjust glad you didn't wake up.

I think that was the first time I'd ever seriously wanted to kiss you. It passed my mind before, but that was the first time I was really tempted. I moved in for it 4 times before I finally made the decision to try and sleep again.

Hell, maybe I should have.

That's when I got even more clingy with you. It was rare that I wasn't hanging off of you or wrapping myself around you. I didn't have the guts to just say something. I guess I wanted you to make the first move. You know, like an idiot.

I wonder how you felt? You never found it weird. Maybe it was the same as before for you. Or maybe you felt the same? But those are dangerous thoughts.

Thoughts like I had the night of that dumb prom thing. Oh great, I'm gonna go into that now.

You looked beautiful. And yeah, I hoped you thought the same of me. Even as I was taunting you and plotting, dancing with you made me happy for the first time since you'd left. I wonder what you'd have done if I kissed you then. Bet your face would've been priceless. Also bet you would've punched me.

Even then, I wished you'd come back. I hate myself for not just telling you all those years ago. I guess the best I can do now is saying it here.

So, here goes.

I love you.

...

Okay, that wasn't therapeutic at all. Scorpia's full of it.

"Write a journal," she said. "It will make all those bad feelings go away."

Bullshit. I feel worse.

You know, I wonder what feels worse: these regrets or your rejection. Don't think you'd ever take a confession now. Don't even know if you'd accept my friendship again.

Maybe we were meant to be alone. What's the saying? "Like oil and water"? Maybe that's us. Only made better if we burn.

Hey, Adora? Don't know why I'm writing this, but if you ever find this, do you think you could forgive me?

What am I saying? Of course you couldn't. I couldn't blame you either. I'm the bad guy, and you're the hero. I need to accept it already. Stop pining. Stop wishing.

If only.

In the end, we're just stupid adults too, huh?

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come say hi on tumblr @akari-hope or on Twitter @_AkariHope_


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